Beloved Potatoes
Chi Zijian

If one day in July you look into the distance at When from the Milky Way, you will see a flower garden in full bloom. The flowers look like ears of grain, drooping like fuchsias, and tinted silver in the light of the stars and the moon. As you hold your breath and listen to the wind whistling gently over the garden, the eternal fragrance issuing from the otherwise mortal potato flowers will rise from the soil and penetrate your soul. Even from within Heaven's resplendent vault, this scene of the mundane world will never fail to move you to tears, which will fall on the fuchsia-shaped flowers and produce a melodic echo. Then you can console yourself with the thought that you tended these flowers with great attention in your previous life."

Such was the message the deceased members of Lizhen conveyed time and again to their potato-loving fellow villagers through their dreams, people who had come to till the potato fields would converse with each other Me this:

“Last night, my son's grandpa said that he wanted terribly to eat potatoes in the nether world now. Why is he so eager while the potatoes are still only in bloom?"

“Lao Xin said the same. He complained that I hadn't planted enough potatoes for him to smell the fragrance from our fields. How is it that he's still so sensitive to smell?"

The potato flowers would all listen to their conversation.

Every family in Lizhen grew potatoes. Qin Shan and his wife were the village's leading potato growers, tilling a total of three mu on the southern slope. Bags of potatoes had to be planted in the field in spring and when the potatoes flowered in summer, the Qins' field was the most colorful, in mixed hues of purple, pink and white. In autumn the Qins naturally harvested more potatoes than anyone else. In late autumn they sold the potatoes in town, and saved up the money. The surplus was kept for the next year's seedcrop and shared by humans and animals as food.

Qin Shan was a skinny and swarthy man who always went barefooted in summer. His wife, Li Aijie, was half a head taller. Though she was not pretty she was fair‑skinned, gentle and virtuous. The couple always went to the potato field together, with their nine‑year‑old daughter Fenping in tow, picking potato flowers, catching locusts and teasing the meek and mute cow with a willow rod. Qin Shan was an inveterate smoker who was often seen puffing at a cigarette, his eyes narrowed in a most contented fashion. He grew a lot of tobacco in his vegetable garden. When the tobacco leaves were ripe in autumn, he would tie them into fan-shaped bundles and suspend them from under the eaves of the house like so many ancient‑looking chimes swaying gently in the autumn wind. When winter came, Qin Shan would sit on his kang^[1] chain-smoking, occasionally inviting friends to share his tobacco. His teeth and fingers were baked yellow with nicotine and his lips were the color of pig liver. His smoking habit was a constant source of discord between him and his wife.

Due to the amount of cigarettes he consumed, Qin Shan coughed a lot, especially in spring and autumn, and particularly at night. Li Aijie often complained to neighboring women that she had to wash her head every other day, or the smell of the tobacco in her hair would make her sick. Her listeners would tease her, saying it must be that you, are always in Qin Shan's arms while he smokes. Li Aijie would flush and retort, "Nonsense, Qin Shan is not that romantic."

Who could tell if Qin Shan was romantic or not?

Qin Shan and his wife loved to eat potatoes. So did their daughter. There were infinite ways of making potato dishes in Qin Shan's family: steamed, boiled, baked, stewed, fried, or in soup. In winter Fenping often baked whole potatoes on the second shelf of the stove and ate them as dessert.

In Lizhen potatoes came in season toward the end of July. Children would steal into the field on the southern slope and search for finger‑width cracks in the ridges. They would surely come by some plump potatoes if their fingers reached far enough into the cracks. They put the potatoes in small baskets and carried them home to be cooked with kidney beans. This dish was considered a rare delicacy. Of course, when the cracks in their own field had been explored and no premature potatoes could be seen, they would steal like little foxes into Qin Shan's potato field, always on the alert lest they should be noticed by Qin Shan arriving to work in his field. Qin Shan actually did not care about those few potatoes that disappeared with the children. As he approached the field, he would first cough loudly to warn the children so as not to frighten them and give them the chance to run away. The children thought themselves very clever and told their parents when they returned home, "Smoking makes Qin Shan cough so badly that he even coughs in the potato field."

Early one autumn, while he was munching happily on potatoes Qin Shan began to cough, his shoulders trembling violently like a coat-hanger rattling in a strong wind. He felt that the vital organs of his body were being completely jolted out of place, and he was very uncomfortable. Li Aijie complained as she pounded his back, "You keep on smoking, smoking. Pin going to burn your tobacco leaves tomorrow!" '

Qin Shan instinctively made to fight back; however, he did not have the strength. That night he continued to cough seriously and felt sick. His coughing woke Fenping, who slept by the door. "Pa, shall I bring you some radish to help your cough," she asked.

"No, Fenping. Go back to sleep,"replied Qin Shan as he pounded his chest.

Qin Shan was eventually exhausted by his coughing and fell asleep. Li Aijie was worried about her husband and woke up early the next morning. She turned her head to Qin Shan and was shocked to see some bloodstains on his pillow. Her first thought was to wake her husband and show him the blood. But on second thoughts, she decided it was no good for people to lose blood. If Qin Shan knew that he had coughed up blood, wouldn't he feel worse? She slightly lifted Qin Shan's head, removed the pillow and put her own under his head instead. Qin Shan was vaguely disturbed, but he immediately resumed his sleep. He was tired after his long and hard fits of coughing the night before.

Li Aijie got up quickly and washed the pillow. When Qin Shan rose, she filled a bowl with porridge and said to him, "Let's go and see the doctor in town. Your coughing is really serious."

"I'll be okay if I stop smoking for a few days. No need to see the doctor," said Qin Shan, his face as pale as cement.

"How can you be cured without seeing the doctor? If you don't see a doctor it will only get worse."

"Coughing won't kill me,"Qin replied. "If anybody goes to town, ask them to bring me two fin of pears and I'll be fine."

Li Aijie thought to herself, "Coughing won't kill people. But if you start spitting blood trouble is sure to follow behind." She was thinking this as she handed Qin Shan the bowl of porridge and her hands trembled. She didn't dare to look into Qin Shan's eyes. She decided she should just talk as if nothing had happened. "What a nice day! So cloudless!"

Qin Shan nodded his head by way of reply while he drank his porridge.

"Lao Zhou's pig refuses to eat anything these days. His wife is so worried that she's been running around looking for a vet to give the pig an injection. Tell me how the pig could be sick, since autumn is already here?" Li asked.

"Aren't pigs the same as people? They can get sick any time." Qin Shan put down his porridge bowl as he replied.

"You only ate half?" Li ventured in a disappointed voice. "I washed the millet three times so there Isn't a single husk left. It should taste wonderful!"

"I don't feel like eating," Qin Shan answered, coughing slightly. Hearing Qin Shan resume his coughing so early in the day made Li Aijie feel more nervous and frightened.

After breakfast Li continued to urge him to go to the hospital. She pleaded repeatedly until he agreed. It was thus that Qin Shan and his wife went off to town on Fei Xili's horse-cart. They sat at the back of the cart. It had just mined and the road was muddy so their legs were spattered with mud as the cart wheels rolled on.

"Better there's not so much min this autumn, otherwise, we'll be rolling in mud when the time for the potato harvest comes," Li Aijie said.

Fei Xili cracked the whip and turned his head. "Only your family is afraid of autumn rain. Why do you grow so many potatoes? You must have quite a stash of money by now. You can probably afford fifty horses, right?"

Qin Shan smiled and said, "I don't have even one horse."

"It's okay, I'm not going to your stable and making off with your horse, you don't have to worry about that. Come on, tell me the truth," said Fei Xili.

Li Aijie interrupted, "Please stop teasing my Qin Shan. If he had earned that much money by selling potatoes, he would have taken a young girl as his concubine."

Fei Xili burst into laughter and the horse started to trot happily. The cart bumped and the bell below the horse's neck jingled.

"I've never had the idea of taking a concubine," Qin Shan retorted. "I'm not a landlord."

"What if you were a landlord?" Li Aijie asked.

"I would marry only you. First wife is who I love." Qin Shan turned his head and spat on the road. "You can marry a young guy with the money from potatoes after I'm gone. I'm sure you'll have a better life." Li Aijie almost cried on hearing him joke this way.

The doctor made an x‑ray of Qin Shan's chest and told him to come back again. Three days later, Qin Shan and his wife once again rode Fei Xili's town-bound cart to the hospital. The doctor told Li Aijie secretly, "Your husband has three tumors in his lungs and one of them is already quite large. I'd advise you to take him to Harbin for further examinations."

"Could it be cancer?" Li Aijie asked in a low voice, deeply worried.

"We can't say definitely one way or the other at this point," the doctor replied. "The tumor might well be malignant. The medical facilities here are very limited and we aren't able to make a definite diagnosis. Your husband is still young so I suggest you get him to a better hospital for further examinations as soon as possible."

"He is only thirty-six," Li Aijie said sadly, "and this is his birth year.^[2]"

"A person's birth year is always troublesome," the doctor said sympathetically.

The couple bought some pears back with them to When. Fenping was very happy to see her parents back home and thought her father was well. She rushed to snatch the pears from him. Qin Shan stopped coughing and was very tender to his wife that night, but the respite may just have been due to the cooling effect of the pears. Li Aijie found herself in a great dilemma. She was worried that sex might make her husband worse. But she was also reluctant to spurn his advances because she was afraid that such opportunities might become fewer and fewer in the future. She felt totally helpless and uncomfortable. Moreover, she found herself embarrassed and responded with reluctance. Qin Shan couldn't help complaining, "What's wrong with you tonight?"

Li Aijie woke early the next morning and looked at Qin Shan's pillow in the soft morning light. The pillow was clean and there was not a drop of blood on it. She was, consoled to a certain degree, thinking to herself that what the doctor said might not be absolutely correct and one should not believe it all. Moreover, they could attend to their affairs as usual, like weeding the potato fields, sprinkling fertilizer on the cabbages and making braids of garlic to hang on the gables. But it didn't last long. One week later Qin Shan began to cough seriously again and this time he saw the blood for himself. His face became sallow and he was struck dumb.

"Let's go to Harbin and try some other doctors," Li Aijie suggested, deeply grieved.

"It's no good sign for a man to cough blood," Qin Shan said. "I'm going to die sooner or later so why waste a lot of money trying to cure my disease."

"But if you are sick you should at least try and cure yourself," Li Aijie replied. "All diseases can be cured in big cities. Since we've never been to Harbin, it might be worth our while to go and take a look."

Qin Shan became silent. The couple talked it over for half the night and finally decided to go to Harbin. Li Aijie took all of their five‑thousand‑yuan savings with her, asking their neighbor to take care of Fenping, the pig and a couple of chickens. The neighbor asked them if they could try and be back before autumn harvest. Qin Shan smiled and said, "Even if I have only one breath left, I'll use it to come back alive and reap my last potatoes."

Li Aijie patted Qin Shan's shoulder and said, "Nonsense!"

The couple hitched a ride on Fei Xili's cart this time going to town to sell vegetables. Seeing that Qin Shan was in low spirits, Fei Xili said, "If you trust me, don't go and see doctors. You’ll be fine if you just smoke less and take more exercise."

"I work in the potato field every day. Don't I get enough exercise?" Qin Shan smiled drily and continued, "Damn disease! I'm going to the big city with my wife to have a look. I'll buy her a pair of leather shoes and a cheongsam with a long slit on the sides."

"I won't wear such a dress and shame yourgood name," Li Aijie mumbled.

They bought half a kilo of pancakes and two packets of pickles and headed for the railway station. The ticket fare was not as expensive as they imagined. When they got on the train they were very happy to find two seats next to each other. On their way Li Aijie kept oohing and aahing over the sights outside the window:
"Look at those purple flowers! How beautiful!"

"Look at those stout cattle! Whose are they?"

"See that family! They must be very rich. They even painted their gate blue."

"Is that man with a straw hat on like Wang Fu of our village? But Wang Fu is to be a bit more robust."

Qin Shan's wife's chatter reminded him of her younger days, and a strong sense of sadness, a sadness as intense as the evening glow, struck him. "If I am not that sick," he thought to himself, "I'll be able to hear more of her sweet voice. If I am fated to die, that sweet voice will vanish like a flash. If so, who will embrace her warm and smooth body, who will help her take care of Fenping, and who will tend that large tract of potato field?"

Qin Shan dared not let his imagination run on further.

Arriving at Harbin, they had no interest in seeing the city. They first ate some jellied bean curd and fried twisted dough sticks at the railway station and then asked how to get to -the hospital. A cook with a white apron on recommended several hospitals to them and told them how to get there by bus.

"You recommended so many hospitals, but which one is the cheapest?" Qin Shan asked.

Li Aijie looked at Qin Shan hard and said, "We want to go to the best hospital. We don't care how expensive it is."

The cook was a warm‑hearted person and gave his opinion about the conditions of each hospital, finally choosing one for them.

It took them much trouble to get to that hospital. Qin Shan was hospitalized immediately. Li Aijie first had to put down a deposit of eight hundred yuan, after which she went to buy daily necessities to be used in the hospital, like a lunch box, spoon, cup, towel and slippers. Qin Shan shared a ward with seven patients, two of whom were on oxygen. The sounds of coughing, spitting and water‑drinking accompanied the irregular breathing of the dying. The doctor told Li Aijie that Qin Shan needed a CT examination, which was to be very expensive, but she was determined to go ahead whatever the cost.

Qin Shan's face turned pale and wan after he entered the hospital. He felt he was falling into a big trap, especially when he found that his fellow patients were all in low spirits. Li Aijie bought back two tea boiled eggs and some bread for supper. The patient next to Qin Shan was a middle‑aged man who was very fat. With an ice pillow under his head, the patient was eating supper with the help of his wife. It seemed that he was suffering from apoplexy, for his mouth was somewhat askew and couldn't speak properly. It was hard for him to eat. The woman who helped him was around thirty, short-haired, wan and sallow. The woman inadvertently spilled a spoonful of soup on his neck, and the patient was so irritated that he knocked the spoon away and cursed, "Bitch! Demon!" The woman put down the soup bowl and rushed out to the hall heart‑broken.

Having finished their meal, Li Aijie and Qin Shan asked the others where to order meals and get boiled water. The people answered their questions warmly. It was dusk when Li Aijie came out of the ward with a thermos in her hand. The dark hall smelt gloomy and terrible. It was here that she ran across the woman who had been scolded by her husband. She was standing by a pile of coal beside the tea-house, smoking. On seeing Li Aijie she asked:

"What's wrong with your husband?"

"He's not been diagnosed yet. Tomorrow he'll have CT scan," Li Aijie said.

"What's his problem?"

"His lungs," Li Aijie said as she turned on the tap and listened to the sound of the water flowing into the thermos. "He even vomited blood."

"Really?" The woman was startled, and sighed deeply.

"Your husband has apoplexy?" Li Aijie asked with deep concern.

"Yes. It's also called cerebral hemorrhage. He almost died. When the doctors finally got to him, he had lost feeling on one side of his body and could no longer move. Since then he has become more and more irritable. I'm the victim once he gets even slightly irritated. You've seen that," the woman complained.

“Sick people are usually anxious and, worried," Li Aijie consoled her as she rose, putting the cork in the thermos. "You need to be patient with him."

"It's really bad luck to have a sick husband." The woman stubbed out her cigarette. "Where are you from?"

"Lizhen," Li Aijie said. "It's two whole days ride by train."

"So far away," the woman said. "I'm from Mingshui. The one who was in your husband's bed before, died last night. He was only forty‑two. He died of liver cancer, leaving behind two children and his mother who is almost eighty. His wife cried so bitterly."

Holding the thermos Li Aijie's arm suddenly felt like jelly. She asked in a low voice, "Do you think lung cancer is curable?"

"I don't like to dampen hope, but cancer is really incurable," the woman said. "It's more worthwhile to spend the money on sightseeing instead of on doctors and medicine. But you don't have to worry too much now. Your husband might not have cancer at all. He's not been finally diagnosed yet, has he!"

Li Aijie felt more disappointed. Her legs became like jelly too and her eyes lost their focus.

"Do you have any relatives in Harbin?" the woman inquired.

"No," Li Aijie replied.

"Where will you spend the night?"

"I'll just stay by my husband and keep him company."

"Don't you know that the patient's relatives are not allowed to stay at the ward unless the patient's condition is critical? It seems to me that you're not up to living in a hotel. Why don't you come to stay with me? You only need to pay a hundred yuan for a whole month."

"What kind of place is it?" Li Aijie asked.

"It's not very far from the hospital, only twenty minutes' walk, among a group of low houses that are to be knocked down. The owners of the house are an old couple. They have a ten‑square‑meter room they let. I lived with the woman whose husband died of liver cancer for some time. She went home after her husband died."

"It's so kind of you," Li Aijie said.

"My name is Wang Qiuping," the woman said. "Just call me Sister Ping."

"Sister Ping," Li Aijie said, "my daughter's name is also Ping, Fenping."

They left the tea‑house across the pavement covered with coal cinders and went back through the hallway to the ward area. They walked one after the other and their steps were very heavy. The patients' relatives walked to and fro across this area to fetch water and throw away leftovers. The garbage can in the toilet stank terribly.

When Li Aijie was about to leave him and go back with Wang Qiuping, Qin Shan suddenly grabbed her hand and said, "Aijie, if this is diagnosed to be cancer, we won't stay to suffer here. I'd rather die in our potato field in Lizhen."

"You're talking nonsense." Li Aijie, her face flushed, eased her hand out of Qin Shan's. Wang Qiuping was watching.

"You don't have to worry about me. Eat good and rest well," Qin Shan said to his wife.

"Okay," Li Aijie replied.

The owner of the house was very happy when she saw that Wang Qiuping had brought her a new tenant. The old lady quickly went about boiling a kettle of water and washed two cucumbers for them to eat. The room was small and the two beds were constructed of bricks supporting wood planks. Between the two beds was a short rectangular table painted in many colors. On the table were toothbrushes, mirrors, tea-cups and toilet paper. Several worn-out clothes hung on the wall. Behind the door was a chamber pot with a wooden cover. All these appeared more dim and gloomy under a low-watt light.

Having washed their feet, Wang Qiuping and Li Aijie turned off the light. As they lay there in the darkness they started to talk:

"I felt so envious of you when I saw your husband grab your hand," Wang Qiuping said. "You love each other so much."

"That's why I felt almost as ill as he did after he became sick," said Li Aijie in a low voice.

"My husband and I had never had such feelings for each other even before he became sick. We quarreled very frequently. I have done what I can faithfully since he became sick, but he gets more and more easily irritated. I've been waiting on him for three months and there's been no improvement. Our money's all spent; we've had to borrow a large amount. I'm so worried that I even thought of committing suicide. My two children are still so young and, my mother‑in‑law is fat and lazy, and fond of making oblique accusations."

"Do you farm too?" asked Li Aijie.

"Yes, we are farmers. He started an oil mill with another man the year before last and made several thousand yuan, but he lost the money in the gambling house."

"How are you going to pay your debt?"

"I'm beginning to find small jobs," said Wang Qiuping. "At three o'clock each morning, I go to the booking office in the railway station to line up for sleeper tickets. The ticket dealer pays me fifteen yuan for them. At noon, I go to restaurants to collect leftovers for a pig farm and I earn eight or ten yuan. I can make twenty or so to save a day.

"Does your husband know what you're going through for him?"

"I would be happy if he would stop finding fault with me. I never expected that he would love me," Wang Qiuping sighed. "If he doesn't recover and remains paralyzed, the rest of my life will be really hard. Sometimes I really wish he would..."

Li Aijie knew what she was going to say and was astounded.

"If you were me, you'd understand," Wang said wearily. "If your husband has cancer, you'll need a large sum of money, but money won't necessarily cure him. However, I'll help get you some work, like selling lunch‑boxes, babysitting and delivering milk..."

Wang Qiuping's voice became fainter and fainter. Fatigue finally overcame her and soon she was asleep. Li Aijie remained awake and restless, at one moment wondering if Qin Shan could sleep well in the hospital, and at another, wondering if Fenping had adapted herself to the neighbor's house. She thought too about the potato field on the south slope of Lizhen. At last, when she was very tired she went off to sleep. It was bright day when she woke up the next morning. The owner of the house was sweeping the courtyard. Some gray doves were cuckooing on the windowsill. Wang Qiuping had already gone out to-work.

"Did you sleep well?" the owner of the house asked warmly.

"Very well," Li replied." All my tiredness is gone."

The owner of the house asked Li Aijie questions as she busied around, like "What's your husband suffering from? How many people are there in your family? How many rooms does your house have?" She told Li Aijie that Wang Qiuping had gone to the railway station early in the morning to line up for the sleeper tickets. "Wang asked me to tell you to go and buy yourself a snack around the comer of the street when you got up," she said.

Having washed her face, Li Aijie went to the hospital reversing the same route she had taken the night before. There were so many cars and pedestrians on the streets that she felt she could never count them clearly in a lifetime. She decided that the roads in the town were miserable and overloaded. It was cloudy, but most women were wearing skirts and dresses, with their legs exposed. They all had exquisite and refined leather bags on their shoulders and their high‑heels struck the road loudly. She had intended to buy a snack for breakfast around the corner as her landlady' had suggested, but she went directly to the hospital with her stomach empty; because she was very much worried about Qin Shan. The moment she entered the hall, she saw the door of Qin Shan's ward pushed open. Five or six people came out, among whom were doctors and strangers. Behind them a patient was being wheeled out. Li Aijie became so frightened that her legs threatened to give way under her. Her relief when she realized that the patient was not Qin Shan was enormous.

Qin Shan had ordered millet porridge for his wife. He had covered it very tightly for fear that it might get cold, putting it on his stomach, holding it in his hand. When Li Aijie came in, he took the box out from under his quilt, and smiling, said, "It's still warm. Come quick and eat."

Li Aijie was on the verge of tears and asked in a low voice, "Did you cough in the night?"

Qin Shan winked at her and shook his head, saying, "I couldn't sleep soundly without you beside me."

Li Aijie looked at Qin Shan, her eyes moistened. Then she lowered her head and started to eat the bowl of porridge. Outside the window leaves rustled in the wind. The rustling reminded her of the sound of the straw Qin Shan used to tickle her ear when they were young. Li Aijie took a look at Wang Qiuping's husband, lying paralyzed on the bed, his head tilted to one side. As she watched, the sick man gulped down a fried pancake greedily, his facial expression like that of an innocent child.

The result of Qin Shan's examination came out soon. Li Aijie had the feeling that everything was finished when she was called to the doctor's office.

"He is already in the late stage of lung cancer. It has spread beyond containment," the doctor told her.

Li Aijie remained silent. She only felt that she had suddenly dropped into a dark well, denied all presence of sunshine.

"It is unlikely that an operation will be effective," the doctor said. "You must think it over. He may first take some medicine, but better not let him know the truth, otherwise it will affect him psychologically."

Li Aijie came out of the doctor's office on leaden legs. The world suddenly became alien to her, though the hallway leading to the ward was full of people. She came to the flower garden in front of the admission office and wished that she could cry before the carefree flowers and grass. But her tears were held back by the tremendous sorrow in her heart. Only then did she realize that people in total despair had no team at all.

In order to conceal her mental turmoil, Li Aijie stealthily picked a flower in the garden and hid it up her sleeve before going back to her husband. Qin Shan was drinking water. The bright sunlight clung to the contours of his thin pale cheeks. His lips were dry and chapped. Li Aijie took out the flower while Qin Shan was off guard and said, "Smell it. Is it fragrant?" She held the flower up to his nose as she said this.

Qin Shan inhaled deeply and said, "Not as fragrant as potato flowers."

"Potato flowers have no fragrance," Li Aijie corrected

"Who said potato flowers have no fragrance? Potato flowers' fragrance is special. Usually people are unable to smell it. But once they do, they never forget it." Qin Shan looked around and found that nobody was paying any attention to what he was saying, so he teased her boldly by saying, "Just like the smell of your body."

Li Aijie smiled bitterly. Then she added as if she was very happy, "You know why I stole a flower for you? We need to have a celebration. The doctors have diagnosed that you only have a very common lung disease and a couple of months' injections will cure it."

"Did the doctor tell you so?" Qin Shan asked, downhearted, as if he knew what she meant.

"The doctor told me a moment ago. You may go and ask him if you don't believe me," Li Aijie said.

"It's good that I have no dangerous disease. I needn't go and ask about it," Qin Shan said. "We've been here for over a week and it's now time to reap our potatoes."

"Hold your horses. There are many kind‑hearted people in Lizhen and they won't leave our potatoes to rot in the field," Li Aijie replied.

"It's important to reap what one sowed," Qin Shan said, then changed the topic suddenly. "You keep hold of our money, but can you give me a little to spend?" '

"I'll give you however much you want," Li Aijie smiled and said. "You're now lying in the hospital and unable to go out shopping. What's the use of having money?"

"To order some delicious food or to buy some fruit," Qin Shan said as he took up his cup and drank some water. "Moreover, I'll feel better if I have money on me."

Li Aijie took three hundred yuan from her pocket and gave it to Qin Shan.

That same afternoon the nurse gave Qin Shan his first infusion. Li Aijie talked to him as the infusion liquid flowed from an unlabeled bottle

Dusk had arrived when the infusion was done. The meal they ordered, rice with a soy bean dish, came. Though he didn't eat much, Qin Shan seemed to be in high spirits, for all the while he chatted on effusively.

It was dusk when Wang Qiuping brought a meal to her husband. They were shocked to see her with black eyes and her hand bandaged. Wang Qiuping's luck had begun to forsake her these days. The railway officials had taken stern measures against ticket scalpers and they'd all disappeared. She had thought that she could buy tickets herself and then sell them at a higher price, but she got up very late these days and therefore ' often failed to get any tickets at all. To make the matter worse, she had injured her hand on the iron railing. Bad‑tempered as her husband was, he had an unusual appetite, wanting to eat chicken and fish almost everyday. Wang Qiuping had no choice but to comply.

"Qin Shan, would you like to have some chicken soup too?" asked Wang Qiuping.

"No,thank you. Aijie and I have just eaten," Qin Shan replied, smiling.

Wang Qiuping's husband gave her an angry look and said, "You think he is younger than me and ask him to have chicken soup. What, are you trying to seduce him?!"

Wang Qiuping shook her head and sighed as she fed her husband one spoonful after another. After that, Wang Qiuping suddenly said to Li Aijie on their way to the toilet, ,,So many nice people who should not die have passed away, but he who should die is still alive to torture me. Sometimes I really feel like poisoning him."

Looking into Wang Qiuping's eyes blankly, Li Aijie said, "Qin Shan has been finally diagnosed." She flung herself into Wang Qiuping's arms and burst into tears. "I'm more unfortunate than you are. He won't be able to give me the opportunity to be tortured any more!"

The two women held each other and cried.

That night, Li Aijie and Wang Qiuping stayed awake almost until dawn. They bought a bottle of liquor, got drunk and continued to shed tears. In the beginning they felt dizzy but strangely enough, when they had cried until they could cry no more, they became somber‑minded and no longer felt sleepy. They started to tell family stories, talking till dawn when they finally felt drowsy. In the splendor of the dawn, they succumbed to deep sleep.

Li Aijie dreamed that when she and Qin Shan were passing a grassland on their way to weeding the potato field, Qin Shan fell into the marshland while picking a flower for her. Seeing Qin Shan falling deeper and deeper in the quagmire, Li Aijie was so worried that she cried out loudly in her dream. Awake, she rubbed her temples as she looked at the empty liquor bottle, and the leftovers of sausage, dried bean curd and peanuts on the table. She remembered drinking with Wang Qiuping who was still sleeping soundly under a thin woolen blanket, her hair hanging down loosely and her nostrils flaring rhythmically. Wang Qiuping looked much prettier now. Li Aijie grabbed her watch and found it was already high noon. Greatly agitated, she pushed Wang to wake her up saying, "Sister Ping, it's noon. We should be at the hospital."

With effort Wang Qiuping sat up and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands. She complained sadly, "I've missed my chance to line up for the tickets and collect the pig feed." She straightened her clothes and then suddenly lay down on the bed, resigning herself to the will of Heaven, "It's already noon," she said. "Better sleep on till evening and save a meal."

Li Aijie knew that she was just releasing her anger when she said that. By the time Li Aijie had finished washing and returned to the room, as expected, Wang Qiuping had got up. She told Li that she had decided to go back to Mingshui in a couple of days, for she dreamed that her children had been bitten by a dog. "One child was bitten on the arm, the other on the leg. They fell into my arms and cried and cried. They are so unlucky to have been born into my family."

"Dreams are supposed to be interpreted the other way around," Li Aijie consoled her. "If you dreamed that they were crying they must really be smiling."

"I miss my children," again Wang Qiuping sighed. "It's autumn harvest season. I can't always rely on my mother's family for help."

"It's time for harvest and my family has a large potato field," Li Aijie said with a strong sense of loss and sadness as if autumn had passed before she knew it and her feet had suddenly stepped on thin ice.

As they talked they came out to the street, and each bought a thin pancake and started to eat, leaning against a fence thick with dust. The shining sun caused them to squint their eyes as they lazily gazed at the passers by, traffic and posters on the street, and listened to the car horns, the pop songs playing in front of the music cassette stand, and the repeated chants of peddlers hawking their wares.

It was past lunchtime when they got to the hospital. Li Aijie was stunned the moment she entered the ward, for Qin Shan had disappeared. His hospital clothes were on the bed, and the lunch‑box and other things on the bedside cupboard were there no more.

A nurse was giving an injection to a patient. When she saw Li Aijie, she said to her harshly, "Wife of bed No. 5, how is it that your husband has disappeared?"

"He was here when I left him last night. How could he leave the hospital?" Li Aijie replied angrily. "I should be asking you where he has gone!"

"The hospital is not a nursery," the nurse retorted. "Is your husband staying in this hospital or not? If not, there's a whole lot right there waiting for his bed."

Li Aijie lifted Qin Shan's bed sheet and found that his slippers were missing. Then she sat on the bed and started to cry. The patient next to Qin's bed said that Qin Shan was well the night before but around four o'clock in the morning when it was still dark, Qin got up and left. He had just thought that Qin had gone to the toilet.

"Is Qin Shan going to die?" Li Aijie thought to herself "Wang Qiuping and I cried in the toilet yesterday. Although I washed my face many times and stayed in the courtyard for a long time to calm myself down in the breeze, he might have noticed some trace of my swollen red eyes. He has gone without saying good-bye. It seems that he has decided to end his life."

Wang Qiuping left her husband and hurried to join Li Aijie in her search for Qin Shan. They went to the banks of the Songhuajiang River, the railway crossing by Jihong. Bridge, the deep woods in the parks and all the other places that might attract potential suicides. However, nobody had jumped into the river, thrown himself on the rails or hanged himself on the trees in the parks. It got dark. They still could not find Qin Shan. What they could see was an endless stream of strangers hurrying home. Li Aijie leaned on the iron fence of Jihong Bridge and began to cry.

They thought hard where Qin Shan might have gone. Finally Wang Qiuping suggested that he might have gone to the Immortal Temple to live out his days as a monk. Li Aijie thought it was reasonable. Maybe Qin Shan had it in his mind that his disease might be cured and his soul saved if he gave himself up to Buddhism. After a sleepless night they headed for the Immortal Temple early the next morning. They came to the head monk and asked if any one had recently presented himself to be a monk. The abbot put his hands together, murmured, "Buddha bless me," and then shook his head slightly. Then they made straight for the Catholic church and Christian church on the main street. Why the churches? Maybe, they thought, churches were homes for lost souls. They searched for Qin Shan right through to the afternoon but could not find a hint of him anywhere. Then they went back to the place where they lived and began to watch the homeowner's television set to see if there was any news about a lost man or if there had been any unusual accidents. Unfortunately, they got no information from the television.

It was not until two o'clock in the afternoon that it occurred to a worried Li Aijie that Qin Shan must have gone back to Lizhen. How was it possible that a man who intended to commit suicide would take away his lunch‑box, towels, slippers and other odds and ends? Li also remembered that Qin Shan had asked for money from her the other day. All these confirmed in her mind the fact that Qin Shan had gone home. She started to pack at once.

"Sister Ping, please help me with the release formalities at the hospital," Li Aijie said without raising her head. "Qin Shan must have gone back home."

"Isn't he going to stay in the hospital to get treatment?" Wang Qiuping shouted.

"He must have understood that his disease was incurable and he will not accept treatment for an incurable disease," Li Aijie sobbed as she said this. "He is going to leave the money to me and Fenping. I know his intention!”

"How was it possible that you have such a kind‑hearted man?" Wang Qiuping; sobbed. "How was it that he went back home without you?"

"How could I let him go if he had asked me to go back home with him?" Li Aijie said. "It's now too late to catch today's train. I'll have to hurry back tomorrow."

Once she was clear about Qin Shan's whereabouts, Li Aijie calmed down. In the afternoon, Wang Qiuping accompanied her to deal with formalities at the hospital. The hospital did not agree to return her deposit at first, saying that the patient had been treated in the hospital for over a week and had taken a substantial amount of medicine. Unable to persuade them, Li Aijie went to Qin Shan's doctor for help. Aware of the details, the doctor helped Li Aijie get a refund for what was left of the deposit.

At night, Li Aijie unpacked her luggage, took out a pair of new woolen trousers and handed them to Wang Qiuping, saying, "Sister Ping, I made them three years ago but I've only worn them a couple of times. City people tend to judge people only by their appearances, so you may wear them when you go out on business. You're a bit taller than I and you may have to let down the hem."

Holding the pair of trousers in her hands, Wang Qiuping cried and her tears dissolved into the woolen fabric.

It was autumn harvest season when Li Aijie reached home. Every family was digging potatoes in the field on the southern slope. It was afternoon and the sky was clear and bright without a hint of cloud. The cool wind was blowing down the lanes. Li Aijie didn't go home but headed straight for the potato field on the southern slope instead. On her way there, she saw many handcarts on the edges of the fields. People in the fields were digging, picking potatoes, and putting them into bags. A neighbor's dog caught sight of her and came to rub her trouser legs with its muzzle, its tail wagging, as if saying, "Hello, so you're back."

Li Aijie could see Qin Shan digging potatoes in the distance. Fenping was picking potatoes behind him, a basket in her hand. He was dressed in a blue cloth jacket and the strong afternoon sunshine fell on him, making him gleam brightly. From the bottom of the hill, Li Aijie called out from the bottom of her heart, "Qin Shan,” and her cheeks were burned by her own tears.

The Qins settled down for a leisurely winter after all the potatoes had been gathered in. Qin Shan was becoming rapidly thinner and thinner until he could hardly eat a thing. He often stared at Li Aijie affectionately without saying a word. Serenely, Li Aijie went about cooking, washing clothes, making the bed and sleeping with him. One evening, when snow fell and Fenping was roasting potato slices on the stove, Qin Shan said to Li Aijie, I bought you something when I came back from Harbin. Guess what it is.

"How can I guess?" Li Aijie's heart ached deeply.

Qin Shan got off the kang and took out a red paper parcel from the chest. Gently, he unwrapped layer after layer of the paper, and there appeared a sapphire‑blue silk cheongsam, which emitted a dazzling sheen under the electric light.

"Oh!" Li Aijie exclaimed with surprise.

"Isn't it beautiful?" asked Qin Shan. "You may wear it next summer."

"Next summer..." Li Aijie said sadly. "I'll wear it for you next summer."

"It's the same to wear it for others," Qin said.

"The slits are way too long and I couldn't wear it for others. Despite herself, tears rolled down her cheeks. She fell into Qin Shan's arms, saying, "I don't like others to see my legs..."

Qin Shan finally stopped breathing after he had struggled for two whole snowy days. People from all over Lizhen came to help Li Aijie with the funeral, but she was the only one who held wake for the dead. Li Aijie wore that sapphire‑blue, soft silk cheongsam indoors and stayed by the stove and her husband, from morning till evening and from evening till dawn. She did not change her attire until the day the funeral procession was held.

The coffin pit was hard to dig during the cold winter season, so that small amount of frozen earth was not enough to cover the coffin. The established practice was to use a cartload of coal cinders to cover the coffin. When spring came the next year and the weather became warm, people would re‑cover the grave with new earth. As the funeral manager was about to send people to fetch coal cinders, Li Aijie suddenly stopped them, saying, "Qin Shan does not like coal cinders."

The funeral manager first thought that Li Aijie was too grieved to think clearly. He was about to comfort and persuade her, when she suddenly brought out some large gunnysacks from the warehouse and walked to the entrance of the vegetable cellar. She opened the door and said to some strong young men, "Fill the bags with potatoes."

Everybody understood what Li Aijie meant and all started to fill the bags. Five bags were filled with potatoes within an hour.

The people of Lizhen experienced an unusual funeral. Five large bags of potatoes stood by Qin Shan's coffin. A piece of white cloth was tied up on Li Aijie's head as a sign of mourning and she followed immediately behind the hearse all the way to the graveyard despite the funeral manager's attempts to dissuade her. Qin Shan's coffin was lowered into the pit and after people had scattered the thin frozen earth on the coffin, it was still only sparsely covered and some parts of the red cover were visible. Li Aijie stepped forward and began to empty the bags of potatoes on the coffin. The potatoes spread and rolled violently on the coffin, but finally were united and gathered together to make Qin Shan's grave round and complete. The sunshine, looking tired after the snow, penetrated the spaces between the potatoes, filling the grave with the warm flavor of a good harvest. Looking at the grave with relief, Li Aijie thought that when the Milky Way was clear and bright, Qin Shan would recognize his potato field at one glance. And he would smell that special fragrance of the potato flowers.

Li Aijie was the last person to leave Qin Shan's grave. She had not gone but two or three steps, when she heard a rustling noise behind her. A round and plump potato rolled down the top of the grave and stopped right in front of her, like a pampered child asking for a mother's love. Li Aijie looked at that potato with love and affection. In a soft voice she asked, "Are you still following me?"

February 25, 1995

Translated by Li Ziliang